Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
