i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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