She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
