Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
