I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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