I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
