I just made out with a guy for $7.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
