So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
