the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
