I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
