So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
