The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
