I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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