please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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