Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
