Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
