my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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