I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
