she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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