I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
