I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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