Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
