What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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