May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
