i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
