Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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