He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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