I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
