So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
