Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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