All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
