My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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