I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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