im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Couch. On fire.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
