I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
