drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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