onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need water and some morals
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize