I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
