i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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