not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
