you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
