I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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