Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
