im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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