I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
