What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
