the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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