i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
