and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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