Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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