remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
