There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
