He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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