The maid of honor just puked.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
