Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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