why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
