His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
