A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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