we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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