I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't motorboat a personality
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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