dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize