he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
