saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
