actually, I'm a sock model
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
