Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
