Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
