Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
