sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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