Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
