He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
