based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
