you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
