You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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