i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
